Discussions
by Siuil
Summary: A few normal but rather humorous situations the 3 girls get into. What they do in their off time. Guaranteed to be devoid of unintelligible screaming!
1. Thanks, but no thanks

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story. Except for Selphie's shirt. I just now realized that....

Author's Notes: Hey guys. I haven't ever written FF8 fanfiction before, so please excuse any horrendous mistakes that I've made. I realize that this thing is probably full of cliches', so I'll apologize beforehand. It's extremely hard for me to write stories. I usually start out with a notebook full of notes, and a plot outline. Then I get a few encyclopedias to research whatever it is I'm writing about, and change or add to the plot line or notes accordingly. Then I may go the library and pick up a book on myths or monsters and such just to add some relevancy to my story. Then I'll go home and add to my notebook. After looking through the information I've gathered, I question what I was trying to write in the first place and conclude that I don't have enough innate talent to actually carry out writing the story. Then I usually cry.

Seriously though, this story is different than anything I've ever (not) written, because I actually had no plot or anything in mind while writing it. A one-liner would pop up in my head, and I centered the story around it. I originally just wrote down the dialogue in my notebook, and added the rest while typing it. So if the story is disjointed and confusing, I apologize for that also. There are two more stories I've written to follow this, and I'll probably just make a three chapter trilogy. But if my feedback is okay, I might continue. This was written with no particular timeframe, but to be on the safe side, I'll say it takes place after the game. Sorry for such a long note, on with the story!

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Discussions

Thanks, but, No Thanks

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Balamb Garden

SeeD Dormitories

Room 24

11:06 PM

The room was basically the same as any other SeeD dorm, though a bit larger than most. White walls, gray carpet, small windows. But every room has certain decorations that separate the occupant from the one next door. This particular room happened to have light blue drapes over the windows, several nature scene paintings on the walls, a bed in the corner with a dark blue spread and a wooden bedside table with an oak dresser beside it, an oak desk and chair with a lamp and some other knick-nacks scattered on it in another corner, and a white sofa with a wooden coffee table in front of it near the door. 

On the sofa sat three girls. One was a raven haired girl, dressed in a blue spaghetti strap top with black shorts. Beside her sat a slightly shorter girl with brown hair, sporting a yellow sleeveless shirt, and tan skirt. The third girl was a taller blonde wearing a white collared button-up shirt and blue jeans. On the other side of the table stood a half naked man with bleached blond hair gyrating to music only he could hear.

"Whatever they're paying you, I'll double it if you leave _right now_!" The blonde shouted at the man, half hysterical.

"Aw, come on, it's your birthday, you're entitled to have some fun!" The raven haired girl replied, grinning.

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Idiot! She should have known this would happen! This is what she got for trusting Rinoa and Selphie. She should have known something was up when they came to her room accompanied by a Galbadian soldier who had "Something very important to show you." She should have noticed his uniform color was a bit too light, the fabric a little too thin. But, no. She hadn't suspected a thing. Because she was an idiot.

"This is not _fun_! It's a direct violation of protocol. Section 7.3C of the handbook strictly states-" Quistis' panicked ranting was quickly cut off by Selphie.

"_Please_. Everyone knows Section 7 was only added because of that time Aki got caught with those _escorts_." Selphie scoffed.

"Regardless, this is completely inappropriate! If Cid were to find out-" Quistis was once again cut off.

"Cid knows." Rinoa quickly supplied.

"It was Edea's idea." Selphie chimed in.

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"What!?"

The shirtless man stared at the three girls in confusion.

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What was this broad's problem? He'd done everything right. The whole "soldier boy" routine the other two girls had told him to do had gone off without a hitch. He'd gotten a few strange looks from some of the residents as he walked down the hall dressed in Galbadian blue, but he was as respectful and professional as a real soldier would have been. Before he had reached his client's dorm room, his two contacts had met him, just as planned. As soon as he entered he'd told the blonde he had something very important to show her in his most serious voice. Then he'd begun his routine. First the helmet dropped, then he went for his shirt. Before he had the chance to get to his pants however, his client had shocked him by screaming for him to leave. Apparently she hadn't realized until then what exactly was going on. But that didn't make a difference. They were still paying him. The costume rental alone was 50 gil, and had come from his own pocket. He'd be damned if he was gonna get screwed out of his money because his client was too uptight to appreciate him.

"Listen, ladies," The three girls stopped their bickering and looked up at him, apparently having forgotten he was there, "striptease or not, I'm not leaving here until I get my 300 gil." He crossed his arms over his well-muscled chest, scowling. The blonde looked to the other two in disbelief before jumping up and grabbing her purse from her dresser. Walking around the table, she stood in front of the man, sorting through her wallet.

"Fine. Here's..... 600." She shoved wad of money into his hand. "Put your shirt back on and forget that this ever happened."

The man looked slightly hurt for a second, but his expression changed to puzzlement as he eyed his payment. "Huh. I'm not sure whether to be thankful or offended."

"Neither am I...." Quistis retorted, turning to glare at Rinoa and Selphie.

"Don't be mad, we thought it would be funny!" Selphie explained, holding her hands up in defense.

The man straightened up, his shirt half on. "Funny?!" He questioned indignantly.

Selphie turned to him, an embarrassed look on her face. "N-not you.....well, kind of you....yeah... Sorry." she apologized sheepishly.

He shook his head, then pulled his fake helmet back on. "Oh well. Guess I can't complain. Haven't ever gotten such a big payday for doing nothing. See you ladies." With a little wave to them all, he left and quietly shut the door behind him.

Silence. Quistis stood glaring disapprovingly at the both of them, her hands on her hips. After about 20 seconds, she sighed and put a hand to her head. "It is late, and I am now _very_ tired. We will discuss this in the morning. Goodnight." Taking that as their cue, Selphie and Rinoa quickly got up and walked out the door, not meeting Quistis' eyes as they left. After the door was slammed in their faces, they stood in the hallway staring at the number '24' for a while to see if Quistis was only kidding and _really _was going to open the door and say _"Thanks for the stripper, guys!" _Unfortunately, she didn't, so the two resignedly shuffled down the hallway back to Selphie's room to watch some movies. After about five seconds of silence, Selphie decided to comment on what had just happened.

"Told you we should have gotten her drunk first."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, Selphie's always right." Rinoa replied airily.

Just when they were about to reach Selphie's dorm room, they heard someone call their names from behind them. They turned to see a blond boy with a tattoo on the left side of his face approaching them. He was wearing a white tank top and black sweat pants, and by the look of the green gore splattered on his shirt, had just gotten back from the Training Center.

"Hey, have you two seen Quistis? I heard there was a Galbadian soldier asking for her dorm number at the front desk." Zell asked, looking worried.

Panicking, Selphie fumbled for an answer, "Uh, yeah...he was, um..."

"-Dropping off her dry-cleaning!" Rinoa blurted out before she could stop herself.

Zell gave her a strange look. "At 11:00 at night?"

"It was her..... nighttime dry-cleaning....." Selphie stuttered, trying to cover for Rinoa's lame answer.

Zell frowned. "Riiiiight...."

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Oh no! He's onto us! _Think, Rinoa, think!_ "Yeah, uh, when we went shopping with Quisty in Deling City last week, some guy spilt his drink all over her suitcase, and it got on her pajamas, so the hotel offered to dry-clean them for free-" 

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"They're so nice!" Selphie exclaimed, a little too loudly.

"_Yeah! _And they sent the security guard at the hotel, who is a _soldier_, to bring her pajamas back to her, since she's so important and stuff." Rinoa lied through her teeth, hoping that Zell would buy it.

Zell's expression lightened up, but he still looked a bit suspicious of them. "Oh. So....there's nothing wrong....?"

"_No_! Just, you know, shiny clean pjs! Nothing _dirty_ or anything! Ow!" Rinoa had elbowed Selphie when she said dirty and shot her a quick, panicked look.

Zell cocked his head to the side and silently scrutinized the girls' behavior. "You two are acting strange," He suddenly grinned, ".....are you _drunk_?!"

Both girls' heads shot up to stare at him. Rinoa spoke first. "Oh......were we that obvious?" She asked, faking disappointment but secretly thankful for Zell jumping to the wrong conclusion.

Zell's grin widened. " 'Fraid so. I take it Quistis is too?"

Selphie casually spoke up, relief coursing through her. "Oh yeah, as loaded as a shotgun. She's sleeping it off, but she'll have a heck of a hangover in the morning."

Zell scratched the back of his head with a gloved hand. "She's not the only one. I hear the Trepies celebrate her birthday too. But to be honest, I'm surprised you even got her to drink...." He turned to Selphie. "Did you pester her into it?"

She laughed nervously. "You know me...."

"Thought so. Even Quistis can't shut down a determined Selphie." He shook his head. "Well, I'll see you girls tomorrow. The guys'll be disappointed in you though." Zell remarked, smirking.

"What!? Why!?" Rinoa yelped, guilt flooding her.

"It's not everyday you get to see an inebriated Quistis Trepe. Irvine, Squall, and I feel left out." Zell mock pouted. "But we understand, you wanted a girls night, you got one. There's always next year, I guess. See ya in the morning" He gave them a thumbs up, and continued down the dorm room hallway to his room.

Rinoa let out a breath when he was out of earshot. "That was too close."

"Yup." Selphie replied, opening her dorm's door.

"We're so stupid."

"Yup"

"Quistis is gonna kill us tomorrow, isn't she?"

"Yup."

Thanks for reading. The next chapter includes a violent Selphie, a lying Irvine, and a Selvine Cult Conspiracy! Stay tuned!

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	2. Stupid Zell!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except for the really old laptop I'm typing this on.

Author's Note: Here's the much delayed second chapter. Since I didn't mention anything earlier, I'd like to admit that I wrote each chapter with a particular character in mind. The last one was Quistis, this one is Selphie, and the next will be Rinoa. On with the story!

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Discussions

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Balmab Garden

Main Hall

2:47 PM

Three girls were walking down the steps from the elevator to the main hall on the first floor of Balamb Garden. Among them was a tall blonde wearing a crisp and professional SeeD uniform, a short brunette with a bob wearing a yellow sundress, and a slightly taller brunette wearing blue jeans, a black t-shirt and an infamous black leather jacket with a baby snow lion fur collar. And one of them seemed to be angry about something.

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"Stupid Zell!" The shortest girl in the sundress suddenly exclaimed, startling a group of cadets lost in conversation nearby.

"Oh, don't start that again, Selphie." The other brunette sighed, trying to avoid the stares of onlookers as they walked.

The three had just gotten out of a meeting with Cid, Squall, Irvine and Zell, involving which areas to distribute the abundant funds the Garden had appropriated since that whole 'saving the world' thing, which the newspapers dubbed "The Ultimecia Affair." Naturally, Selphie had suggested that the Garden Festival was a worthy investment, but Zell immediately dashed her hopes of booking a real, live, 'hey-I-actually-know-how-to-play-guitar' band, when he pointed out the horrible quality of the cafeteria food. While Selphie valued decent food as much as the next person, she felt the Garden Festival was much more important than having non-soybean pattie hamburgers every-other Tuesday, and said so. 

Of course, this set off a huge argument between the two, which included such flavorful words as "_mass-recruiting cultist_", "_hot-dog loving freak_" and the much gasped over, "_boring prom-night wannabe_." Unfortunately, poor Selphie ended up losing the argument when Zell came to the uncharacteristically logical conclusion that, in the end, the Cafeteria's budget was more important than the Garden Festival's, since while everyone may not attend the Festival, everyone did have to eat everyday. And so it was decided that the Festival would get a 5% raise in it's budget, while the Cafeteria's budget would receive a staggering 40% increase.

Selphie was so furious you could practically see the rage emanating off of her body.

"He's lucky I'm such a sweet person, or he'd be in traction right now, eating applesauce through a _straw_..." Selphie muttered, glaring at a cadet who had the audacity to smile at her as they passed him.

Quistis rolled her eyes. "You already sent him to the Medi-Wing once. I think you scarred the poor boy for life."

Selphie snorted. "Whatever. That one time he deserved it. Besides, it was an accident."

"Selphie, you hit him in the head with a waffle iron." Quistis replied skeptically, nodding to one of her students as he headed for the library.

"It was an _accident_!"

Rinoa grinned. "Twelve times?"

"Look, he shouldn't have said my waffles tasted like regurgitated mashed potatoes. It was karma." Selphie huffed, nearly knocking over a cadet as they walked past the library.

Quistis shook her head. "Sure. If karma means _violent revenge by screaming girl with kitchen appliance_."

"Pfft. You guys are making way too big a deal of that. He hardly even showed any bruising." Selphie frowned as a junior cadet jogged past them. "No running in the halls!"

"Yeah. Bandages have a way of covering things like that." Quistis smirked. "Irvine called him _mummy-boy_ for weeks."

"Yes, but he suddenly stopped after realizing Exeter had been......_tweaked._" Selphie couldn't help but smile at the memory.

Rinoa stopped them in front of the walkway to the training center. "Hey, remember this?" She put on a horrified expression. "_Mah hair, mah beautiful, beautiful hair_!"

All three of them laughed as they continued walking. Rinoa's Irvine impressions always cracked everyone up. She had his accent down so well, the first time he'd heard her do it, he'd blushed up to his ears in embarrassment.

"Yeah, it was a miracle Irvine didn't have his hat on that day. Imagine how furious he would have been if he got that pink gunk on his _precious_." Selphie snickered.

Quistis frowned. "Zell really is smarter than we give him due credit. To this day I have no idea how he got Exeter to reverse fire like that. I thought it couldn't be done with such a high-caliber gun." She glanced at Selphie as they passed the parking garage. "And I'm pretty sure that 'pink gunk' was hair dye."

"Yeah, Zell's the one who made a copy of Squall's ring for me. He's good with stuff like that. He told me he used to volunteer at that mechanic's place in Balamb Town before he came to Garden." Rinoa supplied, gazing at the ring she now wore on her right hand.

"Really? I never knew that. No wonder they're always so frien-" Selphie suddenly froze and looked at Quistis. "Did you say _hair dye_?!"

Quistis raised an eyebrow. "Yes... but just that overnight, one wash Halloween stuff. He said he didn't want to traumatize Irvine. What did you think it was?"

Selphie inhaled through her nostrils angrily. "Irvine told me it was _paint_! That _jerk_!"

"Who, Zell?" Rinoa asked, confused.

"No, Irvine! He said that the gunk was paint, and that the water pressure in his shower was really low, so he asked me if he could use mine for a while until the _paint_ completely washed out!" Selphie's fists were clenched, and as they traveled the walkway to the SeeD Dormitories, several other SeeD's moved out of the way. Selphie's rare but devastating fits of rage were well documented in the SeeD circles.

"...And? Did you let him?" Rinoa carefully asked, sharing a secretive glance with Quistis over Selphie's head.

Selphie blushed. "Yes. But not before threatening to shave him bald if he was lying to me." 

"As if you would." Quistis commented, too casually. 

Selphie looked at her strangely. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You fawn over Irvine's hair. You'd sooner cut off a limb than you would his '_gorgeous long locks_', as you once called them." Quistis replied, grinning.

Selphie raised her chin indignantly. "So? He's got pretty hair. Doesn't mean he can get away with lying to me."

As they neared Selphie's room, Quistis tapped a finger against her cheek. "True. But everyone knows you love him too much to actually injure him. Permanently, at least."

"_I do not!_" Selphie practically yelled, causing an instructor leaning on the wall and several students he was chatting with to glare at her.

"Is that so?" Quistis asked, sending an apologetic smile to her colleage and his students.

"Rinoa! You believe me, don't you?!" Selphie pleaded, wishing for the life of her she could stop blushing.

Rinoa grinned evilly at her. "Sorry Selph, the jig is up. The rest of us were waiting for Quistis' confirmation before we mocked you. Let the mocking begin!" She joked, rubbing her hands together.

Selphie shook her head in defeat. "Ugh. You two are delusional."

"It's not just us. Squall knew _way_ before I did. _He's_ the one who brought it to _my_ attention." Rinoa said earnestly.

Quistis stared at her watch, in an attempt to ignore the gaze of the Trepie that walked past them from his dorm. "Face it Selphie, you and Irvine have liked eachother for a long time. We can all see it."

"Zell isn't in this little Selphie\Irvine love cult, is he?" Selphie asked suspiciously, reaching for her keycard in her purse. 

"Actually, Zell's been trying to get you two together. Who do you think lowered Irvine's water pressure?" Quistis explained, waving to Xu as she left the Dormitories.

"_What_! You mean the whole thing was planned!? Did Irvine know about this?!" Selphie exclaimed, as she slid her card and began to open her door.

"Of course not. It was all Zell. The dye, the water pressure. He knew Irvine would ask to use your shower, but he didn't plan on Irvine lying to you about the paint. That was just a happy coincidence." Quistis frowned at her. "And we prefer to call it 'The Church of Selvine', I'll have you know. Our organization is not a cult, it is an _alternative life path preference_, so there." Quistis' expression was solemn.

Complete silence settled over the three for a moment as they stood in the doorway to Selphie's room.

Rinoa broke the silence as she shook her head. "You think way too much, Quistis. Sometimes your wit frightens me."

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"Stupid Zell!" Selphie growled, as she allowed the other two girls into her room.

"Oh, don't start that again, Selphie" Rinoa sighed, just as the door closed.

Well, that's it for Chapter 2. Next chapter, be prepared to see a Wild West Angelo, The Great Laguna Debate, and a guest appearance by Irvine himself! R&R if you like!


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